“Tax and Spend Jesus”

“And so it is with great sadness that I write this letter urging you to vote against Jesus Christ for President.

Just six months after His re-rebirth, it has become startlingly clear that Jesus has lost touch with America. Far from being a prudent Savior, Jesus has proven to be no more than a foolhardy liberal. Aligning Himself with the far-left minority, Jesus has adopted the lofty and politically correct delusions that have come to define the liberal elite. Nowhere is this more apparent than in Jesus’ irresponsible welfare proposals and pleas for universal healthcare. […]

“Tax-And-Spend Jesus” wants us to believe that our hard-earned money should be pumped into godless public schools and the sinful homes of single-mother welfare queens.

The reckless liberalism of Jesus Christ cannot be allowed to take hold of the Christian values this great country has fought so hard to preserve. Jesus’ immorality becomes more heinous by the day, and what kind of example is He setting for our children by openly associating with prostitutes? Jesus’ environmental advocacy resembles that of your common, everyday hippy: He has criticized our reliance on fossil fuels and insists that businesses adopt unfair and impractical pollution prevention measures. He also goes barefoot to public events and has yet to shower or shave as far as I can tell. Messiah or not, there is no room for grungy tree-huggers in the White House.

Today’s America should not cater to the bleeding-heart politics of men like Howard Dean and Jesus. … “

(From Nathan Mcintire’s piece on McSweeney‘s, via fellow Arborblogger 90% Crud)

Author: Rob