So, I received this anonymously …

“I think that it is quite obvious what Mr. Nolan is trying to achieve with his letter to the Daily. This statement of the the post-Nolan/Cash Michigan Student Assembly is as, if not more, tactical than Chelsea Clinton’s grounbreaking Oxford-era interview with Talk magazine, which is a passive treatise on her stance on leadership and the future of American democracy. Hint, hint: Matt Nolan is running for President of the United States, or perhaps Muskegon County Commissioner at the least.

Consider this scenario. Mr. Nolan graduates from Michigan Law, with a respectable, but not necessarily superstellar academic record (hell, Michigan is better than Cooley Law School). He moves back to Muskegon in a few years to work at a local law firm. He marries his sweetheart, becomes a member of the local country club and is chair of fundraising committee for Muskegon’s historic Victorian-era Hackley House museum. He even coaches his old high school chess club at Reeths Puffer High School on the weekends.

This lays the foundation for community networking and his first successful run for Muskegon County Commissioner at age 26. At the same time, he keeps in touch with his old boss, Rep. Pete Hoekstra and former Lt. Gov. Dick Posthumus. They craft him for a state senate run and like a similar back-country legislative aspirant (i.e. John Engler), Mr. Nolan rises though the ranks in Lansing. He even becomes the Republican chief deputy whip, at age 29!

But Lansing is too small a town for Nolan. He has his sights set on Washington, his rightful place. Keeping in touch with his former MSA vice president Jessica Cash, now a mid-level legislative aide at the Small Business Administration, Cash lays his fundraising foundation for a House run, to take the spot of retiring Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R). Cash leaves the executive branch to go to full-time lobbying at the National Federation of Independent Business (which is actually a step down), so she has more time to work the fundraising avenues of Washington in her spare time, while he works Muskegon, Holland and Ludington for campaign cash.

He wins the race, and rises through the ranks of the House becoming Speaker DeLay’s majority whip by the mid-2010s. Around 2025, while, he is in the running for the speakership after DeLay’s eventual retirement, Nolan digs down to his inner feelings, and perhaps with a pinch of hubris, runs for Senate, challenging Debbie Stabenow, his old arch-nemesis ( Don’t Forget Liberal Debbie!) and because of a nasty campaign plotted by Cash, Stabenow loses because of she has Parkinson’s Disease, though it is curable by then. And because Nolan as DeLay’s chief associate pushed a measure closing the Canadian border to all U.S. senior citizens, Stabenow couldn’t get access to the life-saving Canadian drugs.

By 2035, his Senate career in full swing, Nolan plots a run for the presidency. And while doing a Google search, a reporter finds his letter on the Daily’s website from 2003 laying out his frustrations with the Michigan Student Assembly and how his administration’s achievements were destroyed by pesky student politicians who don’t inhabit the true spirit of Wolverine leadership. He wins the presidency, single handedly stops the Israelis and Palestinians from fighting and world peace is achieved. Nolan’s head replaces Roosevelt’s in Mt. Rushmore and Pax American rules for the rest of time.”

Author: Rob